THE HIGH COST OF UNFORGIVENESS
Unforgiveness can cost a person tremendously, both now and eternally. In not forgiving someone else, a root of bitterness begins to grow. In time, the root grows and as the old saying goes, bitterness does more harm to the container it is in, than to the person they are bitter toward. This is bad physically and mentally. But in our relationship with God, it is even worse. Just as when we pray the Lord's prayer, we pray, forgive us as we forgive others. We literally are forgiven as we forgive but what many do not realize is that we are forgiven by the measure we forgive; also meaning that we are not forgiven when we do not forgive others. Many people also, including some Christians, believe that if they were truly wronged and the other person does not apologize or ask for forgiveness, then they are not obligated to forgive them. However, it will be shown here how we are commanded to forgive unconditionally, those who are repentant as well as those who are not. And when we do not, we ourselves are committing sin which hurts our relationship with God. When we refuse to obey God in any area, we start the process of grieving the Holy Spirit in disobedience to God's laws and principles. If we continue without repentance, it is like building a wall, knowingly or unknowingly. In time, a person may have “religious faith” but the relationship with God, walking and hearing Him, will dissipate and we will find ourselves in danger of eternal damnation. Please consider these verses with commentary.
The message is clear. We must forgive others. No where in these particular verses does our forgiving them, hinge on their repentance to us. There are some verses that speak of forgiving someone when they ask for it, but we are still commanded to forgive those who are repentant and those who are not.
Once again, does it say, “if he says he is sorry?” We have to release others of their wrongs in our hearts and before God. When we do, it empowers God to work in the situation. If we harbor unforgiveness, the only thing empowered is ungodliness and unhealthiness. The devil is free to wreak havoc when people willfully disobey God.
In this next parable, a man is forgiven a huge debt that he is sorry for. And this one who received the pardon for his debt, refuses to “pay it forward” so to speak when someone who owed him a much smaller amount needed to be released of his debt to him. The man with the huge debt, received grace but refused to pass it on.
There is so much that can be gleaned from what Jesus says here, but the main point is: if you receive God's grace, you must give grace also. It should also be noted, that when the Lord forgives you and I of our huge loads of sin, who are we, not to forgive others of their individual offenses? God's forgiveness of our sins is completely hinged upon our forgiveness of others. It is very similar to what is called deferred adjudication, which will be explained here. In court in America, when one is caught in a violation of the law and their case is being processed in court; sometimes a good lawyer will ask for the judge to grant their client “deferred adjudication” which means that if granted, they are released of their crime's punishment providing they do not do it again or get in any other legal trouble during the court-prescribed time of their case. If they fail to keep their end of the bargain, then immediately, whatever the original sentence would have been, will go into effect. While it is not quite the same with God, it is similar. When it comes to forgiving others, our pardon is only in effect if we meet God's requirement to forgive others. The price of our pardon was paid for by Jesus and is free to us, but our “forgiveness” is immediately revoked if we refuse to forgive someone else. Jesus says in the parable above in Matthew 18, that the one who was forgiven much, refused to forgive the other one his small debt, was then to be delivered to the torturers until he should pay his debt in full, so likewise will our heavenly Father do to us, if we do not, from our hearts, forgive our brother his trespasses. This is presently and eternally serious.
Jesus makes it abundantly clear. If we forgive, we are forgiven. If we do not forgive, then we are not forgiven. And please notice in these previous verses, that it does not say anything about whether the offender was repentant to us or not.
Being a Christian and turning the other cheek and loving others, even mean people and those that have wronged us, is not the easiest part about being a Christian. However, after a while of learning to live this way, it becomes normal and it would be hard to ever go back. This is part of being truly 100% sold out to God. Laying down our “rights” to return a punch for a punch or only loving the easy ones. This is only possible through the power of the Holy Spirit and wanting to please God more than anything else. If it seems difficult at first, welcome to the club. But I promise you, after a while, it is “returning hate for hate” that seems disgusting and the peace and joy that come from “agape love ruling in one's heart” cannot be compared.
Please consider these next verses.
Jesus loved others with agape love which is the highest form of love. His love never ends. His loves does not stop whether we are good or bad and is not dependent upon our worthiness. We are to love others as Jesus loved (and still loves) others. This is a powerful love and a powerful commandment.
Let's consider the power and extent of the love of Jesus. He loved the high priest, Jewish leaders and Roman soldiers that wrongfully tried, convicted and killed Him. He never quit loving them. He came to die for them as much as for us. He made the way for theirs and all the forgiveness that would ever be needed, before we ever repented.
What did Jesus pray for on the Cross?
Jesus gave us the greatest lesson in love and forgiveness that has ever been given. That God, who came in the flesh, did not come to judge them (at the time) but came to show God's love and forgiveness. When Jesus prayed that prayer, He was forgiving them all and in a way that He was asking God the Father, to not hold it against them. Jesus forgave them and was releasing them of the offense by praying for mercy for the ones that wronged Him. And as many of us believe, He was praying it also for all of us.
And this is exactly why we need to forgive others and ask God to forgive them too. When we forgive others and ask God to do so also, this is where true peace comes from.
Many people are mystified by this verse.
I personally believe, that if you want your day in court with God, then go ahead and demand the one who wronged you has his. God will judge their case according to His fairness, and your bitterness and your demanding of justice, will in no way harm their fate with God. But it will harm yours. If we retain their sins, they are retained... but to whom? If you want them to have their day in court with God more than anything else, then you are going to have yours too. If you want mercy, you must show mercy. If you want justice, then you must have it too. It cannot be only mercy for one self and justice for others.
We must forgive and pray for mercy for others as Jesus did (who needed no mercy as we that have sinned do).
Jesus had every right to judge them. He was God who had come in the flesh. And there was no sin in Him. But He came to show God's love and show us the way to know God and be with Him forever.
There have been many sermons and teachings on these next verses; but just listen to the heart of the Lord and what He came to do. Remember, we are to follow Him and His lead, for He is showing us how the Father wants things done and the way to heaven.
If anyone ever had the right to judge anyone for not obeying and believing Him, Jesus did and does. But for the season of when He came as one of us, He laid it down. And He is allowing “the Word” that “He spoke” to be the judge. That was and is His complete right. And yet He laid it all down, coming to seek and to save, like the man, who for the joy of it, sold all he had to buy a certain field to get the treasure from it (Matthew 13:44); or the Father, waiting and praying for His prodigal son to repent and come home (Luke 15:11-32).
Why did Jesus give us these next verses?
And continues on to say that the measure that rules our hearts, is the measure we will receive back.
The Amplified Bible says this in Matthew:
Our Lord told us these things because He loves us. He wants us to know and abide in the Father as He did and does. We cannot be “the eternal judge” to anyone. That is God's place and right. And when we set ourselves up as we think to be anothers' final judge in an eternal matter, then we are saying we know better than God and are not leaving it to Him. Danger, danger, warning bells should be ringing.
By leaving “what offended us to God” and even to the courts of law, we are keeping our hearts free and clear. By asking mercy for the ones who did us wrong, we are making the way for them. And in so doing, we are also making the way for peace. There is no peace in wishing God's and the court's vengeance down on someone else.
Not only are we to let the forgiveness flow to others, but we are to repent of our wrongs and how we offend others.
The Lord wants us to be at peace with each other. In order to do that, we have to subject ourselves to letting peace rule. If we offended someone else (it does not say whether they were correct in their offense, just if they have something against us) then we should care about their feelings and want things to be made right. It is kind of a shame (on us) that the Lord has to tell us this, but sadly, it is necessary.
Paul wrote: “If it is possible, as much as it depends on you.” We can only do our part. There will always be people who are stubborn, unmerciful and unforgiving. We cannot live other people's lives for them or change other people's hearts. But what we can do is “as much as possible, live peaceably...” Jesus is the Prince of Peace (Isaiah 9:6), we are saved by the Gospel of peace (Ephesians 6:15), our God is a God of peace (Philippians 4:9). Peace is so valuable that one cannot even put a price on peace.
The devil is a liar and a murderer.
The devil is not of the truth, love, peace or of anything good. Ever since the Garden of Eden, he has given his all, to defy God and wreak hurt, ugliness and bitterness wherever people have allowed him. Does he show his true colors while doing his bidding? No, he comes camouflaged as our own thoughts, leaders, teachers, coworkers, friends and even as people of the church.
No good comes from listening to the devil. He says things to everyone like, “but look how wrong what they did to us was... or they need to suffer for this... or there is a special place in hell for one such as this... or I cannot forgive them, if I do, then they are getting away with it.” That devil and his demons have no bottom to their bags of evil. They are hell-bound and have fooled many a person into eternal death by getting them to not forgive someone. And this is so sad because there is no wrong ever done worth any of us losing our relationship with God and eternity over.
In conclusion, let us let the peace and love of God rule our hearts so that we can abide in the Lord now and forever. Let us follow Jesus and the examples He set for us. If we are forgiven by the measure we forgive, then let us do it right. We, as Christians, have been given the unmerited grace of God. God loved us before we ever repented.
- Matthew 6:12-15 “And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors. And do not lead us into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one. For Yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever. Amen. "For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.”
The message is clear. We must forgive others. No where in these particular verses does our forgiving them, hinge on their repentance to us. There are some verses that speak of forgiving someone when they ask for it, but we are still commanded to forgive those who are repentant and those who are not.
- Matthew 18:21-22 Then Peter came to Him and said, "Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?" Jesus said to him, "I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.”
Once again, does it say, “if he says he is sorry?” We have to release others of their wrongs in our hearts and before God. When we do, it empowers God to work in the situation. If we harbor unforgiveness, the only thing empowered is ungodliness and unhealthiness. The devil is free to wreak havoc when people willfully disobey God.
In this next parable, a man is forgiven a huge debt that he is sorry for. And this one who received the pardon for his debt, refuses to “pay it forward” so to speak when someone who owed him a much smaller amount needed to be released of his debt to him. The man with the huge debt, received grace but refused to pass it on.
- Matthew 18:23-35 “Therefore the kingdom of heaven is like a certain king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. And when he had begun to settle accounts, one was brought to him who owed him ten thousand talents. But as he was not able to pay, his master commanded that he be sold, with his wife and children and all that he had, and that payment be made. The servant therefore fell down before him, saying, 'Master, have patience with me, and I will pay you all.' Then the master of that servant was moved with compassion, released him, and forgave him the debt. But that servant went out and found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii; and he laid hands on him and took him by the throat, saying, 'Pay me what you owe!' So his fellow servant fell down at his feet and begged him, saying, 'Have patience with me, and I will pay you all.' And he would not, but went and threw him into prison till he should pay the debt. So when his fellow servants saw what had been done, they were very grieved, and came and told their master all that had been done. Then his master, after he had called him, said to him, 'You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you begged me. Should you not also have had compassion on your fellow servant, just as I had pity on you?' And his master was angry, and delivered him to the torturers until he should pay all that was due to him. So My heavenly Father also will do to you if each of you, from his heart, does not forgive his brother his trespasses."
There is so much that can be gleaned from what Jesus says here, but the main point is: if you receive God's grace, you must give grace also. It should also be noted, that when the Lord forgives you and I of our huge loads of sin, who are we, not to forgive others of their individual offenses? God's forgiveness of our sins is completely hinged upon our forgiveness of others. It is very similar to what is called deferred adjudication, which will be explained here. In court in America, when one is caught in a violation of the law and their case is being processed in court; sometimes a good lawyer will ask for the judge to grant their client “deferred adjudication” which means that if granted, they are released of their crime's punishment providing they do not do it again or get in any other legal trouble during the court-prescribed time of their case. If they fail to keep their end of the bargain, then immediately, whatever the original sentence would have been, will go into effect. While it is not quite the same with God, it is similar. When it comes to forgiving others, our pardon is only in effect if we meet God's requirement to forgive others. The price of our pardon was paid for by Jesus and is free to us, but our “forgiveness” is immediately revoked if we refuse to forgive someone else. Jesus says in the parable above in Matthew 18, that the one who was forgiven much, refused to forgive the other one his small debt, was then to be delivered to the torturers until he should pay his debt in full, so likewise will our heavenly Father do to us, if we do not, from our hearts, forgive our brother his trespasses. This is presently and eternally serious.
- Mark 11:25-26 "And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him, that your Father in heaven may also forgive you your trespasses. But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father in heaven forgive your trespasses."
Jesus makes it abundantly clear. If we forgive, we are forgiven. If we do not forgive, then we are not forgiven. And please notice in these previous verses, that it does not say anything about whether the offender was repentant to us or not.
Being a Christian and turning the other cheek and loving others, even mean people and those that have wronged us, is not the easiest part about being a Christian. However, after a while of learning to live this way, it becomes normal and it would be hard to ever go back. This is part of being truly 100% sold out to God. Laying down our “rights” to return a punch for a punch or only loving the easy ones. This is only possible through the power of the Holy Spirit and wanting to please God more than anything else. If it seems difficult at first, welcome to the club. But I promise you, after a while, it is “returning hate for hate” that seems disgusting and the peace and joy that come from “agape love ruling in one's heart” cannot be compared.
Please consider these next verses.
- John 13:34 “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another.”
- John 15:12 “This is My commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you.”
Jesus loved others with agape love which is the highest form of love. His love never ends. His loves does not stop whether we are good or bad and is not dependent upon our worthiness. We are to love others as Jesus loved (and still loves) others. This is a powerful love and a powerful commandment.
Let's consider the power and extent of the love of Jesus. He loved the high priest, Jewish leaders and Roman soldiers that wrongfully tried, convicted and killed Him. He never quit loving them. He came to die for them as much as for us. He made the way for theirs and all the forgiveness that would ever be needed, before we ever repented.
What did Jesus pray for on the Cross?
- Luke 23:34 Then Jesus said, "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do.”
Jesus gave us the greatest lesson in love and forgiveness that has ever been given. That God, who came in the flesh, did not come to judge them (at the time) but came to show God's love and forgiveness. When Jesus prayed that prayer, He was forgiving them all and in a way that He was asking God the Father, to not hold it against them. Jesus forgave them and was releasing them of the offense by praying for mercy for the ones that wronged Him. And as many of us believe, He was praying it also for all of us.
And this is exactly why we need to forgive others and ask God to forgive them too. When we forgive others and ask God to do so also, this is where true peace comes from.
Many people are mystified by this verse.
- John 20:23 “If you forgive the sins of any, they are forgiven them; if you retain the sins of any, they are retained."
I personally believe, that if you want your day in court with God, then go ahead and demand the one who wronged you has his. God will judge their case according to His fairness, and your bitterness and your demanding of justice, will in no way harm their fate with God. But it will harm yours. If we retain their sins, they are retained... but to whom? If you want them to have their day in court with God more than anything else, then you are going to have yours too. If you want mercy, you must show mercy. If you want justice, then you must have it too. It cannot be only mercy for one self and justice for others.
We must forgive and pray for mercy for others as Jesus did (who needed no mercy as we that have sinned do).
Jesus had every right to judge them. He was God who had come in the flesh. And there was no sin in Him. But He came to show God's love and show us the way to know God and be with Him forever.
There have been many sermons and teachings on these next verses; but just listen to the heart of the Lord and what He came to do. Remember, we are to follow Him and His lead, for He is showing us how the Father wants things done and the way to heaven.
- John 12:46-48 “I have come as a light into the world, that whoever believes in Me should not abide in darkness. And if anyone hears My words and does not believe, I do not judge him; for I did not come to judge the world but to save the world. He who rejects Me, and does not receive My words, has that which judges him--the word that I have spoken will judge him in the last day.”
If anyone ever had the right to judge anyone for not obeying and believing Him, Jesus did and does. But for the season of when He came as one of us, He laid it down. And He is allowing “the Word” that “He spoke” to be the judge. That was and is His complete right. And yet He laid it all down, coming to seek and to save, like the man, who for the joy of it, sold all he had to buy a certain field to get the treasure from it (Matthew 13:44); or the Father, waiting and praying for His prodigal son to repent and come home (Luke 15:11-32).
Why did Jesus give us these next verses?
- Luke 6:36 "Judge not, and you shall not be judged. Condemn not, and you shall not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.”
And continues on to say that the measure that rules our hearts, is the measure we will receive back.
- Luke 6:38 “For with the same measure that you use, it will be measured back to you."
The Amplified Bible says this in Matthew:
- Matthew 7:1-2 “Do not judge and criticize and condemn others, so that you may not be judged and criticized and condemned yourselves. For just as you judge and criticize and condemn others, you will be judged and criticized and condemned, and in accordance with the measure you [use to] deal out to others, it will be dealt out again to you.”
Our Lord told us these things because He loves us. He wants us to know and abide in the Father as He did and does. We cannot be “the eternal judge” to anyone. That is God's place and right. And when we set ourselves up as we think to be anothers' final judge in an eternal matter, then we are saying we know better than God and are not leaving it to Him. Danger, danger, warning bells should be ringing.
By leaving “what offended us to God” and even to the courts of law, we are keeping our hearts free and clear. By asking mercy for the ones who did us wrong, we are making the way for them. And in so doing, we are also making the way for peace. There is no peace in wishing God's and the court's vengeance down on someone else.
Not only are we to let the forgiveness flow to others, but we are to repent of our wrongs and how we offend others.
- Matthew 5:23-24 “Therefore if you bring your gift to the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar, and go your way. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.”
The Lord wants us to be at peace with each other. In order to do that, we have to subject ourselves to letting peace rule. If we offended someone else (it does not say whether they were correct in their offense, just if they have something against us) then we should care about their feelings and want things to be made right. It is kind of a shame (on us) that the Lord has to tell us this, but sadly, it is necessary.
- Colossians 3:15 And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one body; and be thankful.
- Romans 12:18-21 If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men. Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written, "Vengeance is Mine, I will repay," says the Lord. Therefore "If your enemy is hungry, feed him; If he is thirsty, give him a drink; For in so doing you will heap coals of fire on his head." Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
Paul wrote: “If it is possible, as much as it depends on you.” We can only do our part. There will always be people who are stubborn, unmerciful and unforgiving. We cannot live other people's lives for them or change other people's hearts. But what we can do is “as much as possible, live peaceably...” Jesus is the Prince of Peace (Isaiah 9:6), we are saved by the Gospel of peace (Ephesians 6:15), our God is a God of peace (Philippians 4:9). Peace is so valuable that one cannot even put a price on peace.
- Hebrews 12:14-17 Pursue peace with all people, and holiness, without which no one will see the Lord: looking carefully lest anyone fall short of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up cause trouble, and by this many become defiled; lest there be any fornicator or profane person like Esau, who for one morsel of food sold his birthright. For you know that afterward, when he wanted to inherit the blessing, he was rejected, for he found no place for repentance, though he sought it diligently with tears.
- James 3:17-18 But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, willing to yield, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality and without hypocrisy. Now the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace.
The devil is a liar and a murderer.
- John 8:44 “You are of your father the devil, and the desires of your father you want to do. He was a murderer from the beginning, and does not stand in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he speaks a lie, he speaks from his own resources, for he is a liar and the father of it.”
The devil is not of the truth, love, peace or of anything good. Ever since the Garden of Eden, he has given his all, to defy God and wreak hurt, ugliness and bitterness wherever people have allowed him. Does he show his true colors while doing his bidding? No, he comes camouflaged as our own thoughts, leaders, teachers, coworkers, friends and even as people of the church.
No good comes from listening to the devil. He says things to everyone like, “but look how wrong what they did to us was... or they need to suffer for this... or there is a special place in hell for one such as this... or I cannot forgive them, if I do, then they are getting away with it.” That devil and his demons have no bottom to their bags of evil. They are hell-bound and have fooled many a person into eternal death by getting them to not forgive someone. And this is so sad because there is no wrong ever done worth any of us losing our relationship with God and eternity over.
In conclusion, let us let the peace and love of God rule our hearts so that we can abide in the Lord now and forever. Let us follow Jesus and the examples He set for us. If we are forgiven by the measure we forgive, then let us do it right. We, as Christians, have been given the unmerited grace of God. God loved us before we ever repented.
For this reason I bow my knees to the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, from whom the whole family in heaven and earth is named, that He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with might through His Spirit in the inner man, that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the width and length and depth and height-- to know the love of Christ which passes knowledge; that you may be filled with all the fullness of God. Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us, to Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen.
Ephesians 3:14-21
Copyright © 2015 E. Cockrell May be copied for personal study or instruction but shall not be copied and/or distributed in whole or part without permission or for financial profit
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